wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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