A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
