I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
