Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
