when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
