No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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