ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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