Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
