I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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