can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
