If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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