I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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