Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
