last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We need to rekindle our bromance
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
