Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
