You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
