On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Randomize
