I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
