SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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