Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
