dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
