She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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