Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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