I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
