No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
