He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
