I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
