ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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