Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
