I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Mom said you looked used
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
