so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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