She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you never un-have a 4some
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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