we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
