And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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