The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
