I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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