dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
