My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
