Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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