I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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