You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
