I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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