Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
