My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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