Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
