i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
