Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
