i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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