ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
