It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
