I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
