she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
