just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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