hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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