So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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